Corned Beef & Cabbage Is Awful
Corned beef and cabbage is awful. I don’t care who made it or how it was prepared, it is the stuff of nightmares. I close my eyes and see Granny Gallagher standing over a giant pot of bubbling water with chunks of foul meat and bleached soggy leafs. The smell, oh lord the smell, like an NFL locker room wrapped up in a French Quarter dumpster in August.
Now you may be saying “well then you must not really be Irish” well that sir or madame is a lie. I took a DNA test and it came back as Guinness. My mother’s side of the family the O’Neils are descended from the High Kings of Ireland. On my father’s side I have an ancestor who once won a head butting contest with a shark. I was weened on Jameson and took my first stumbling steps toward adulthood playing Rugby naked in the snow.
So now that my bonafides are set and confirmed, what should your meal of choice be this St. Patricks Day? (Editors Note: Your “bonafides” are not set or confirmed by a rant. Red Meat Lover)
Well don’t worry old son Uncle Gallagher is here for you with some suggestions that will get you in the true spirit of St. Patricks Day and save you from ingesting that devilish brew called corned beef and cabbage. Get ready for some great Irish cooking for St. Patricks Day 2019!
In the morning.
Full Irish Breakfast
Now if you want to start off a day of day drinking and shenanigans you need a strong breakfast that will absorb the excess booze and keep you running till noon. There is no better breakfast than this. (Editors Note: Red Meat Lover does not condone day drinking or shenanigans before noon. Red Meat Lover)
Start off your day with a rasher of bacon, pork sausage, fried eggs, white and black pudding, baked beans, hash browns, sauteed mushrooms, fried potato farl, toast and fried tomatoes. If you’re ready to start your day like a man from Mayo check out this video to get started!
In the noon.
Now you have either had a couple of pints or are planning to do so. You need to think strategically, remember St. Pat’s is a marathon not a sprint.
Irish Stew
Now my favorite is a nice Guinness Stew, it’s dark, thick, full of meat, and hearty vegetables that will keep ya upright and headed steady into the evening. Traditional Irish stews are made with lamb or mutton but I won’t hold it against you if you go for beef. Here is a classic recipe.
Now if you are out and about and you order an Irish Stew from your local tavern and it comes in a bread bowl here is what you do. You take that plastic shillelagh off the wall, you find the chef and you beat him about the head cursing him all the while for the wretch he is. (Editors Note: In no way does Red Meat Lover condone the beating of a man with a plastic shillelagh. Red Meat Lover)
Fish & Chips
Now you may be saying “Fish and chips isn’t that English” well f*%k you. If they can take Ireland for for nearly a thousand years then we’re taking the fish and chips.
The difference between English and Irish Fish n Chips may seem trivial but with a lemon caper tartar sauce and malt vinegar they really come alive! Unlike the English with their cold dead eyes! (Editors Note: In no way does Red Meat Lover agree that English people have cold dead eyes and wish the author would stick to his assignment. Red Meat Lover)
In the evening
Now that you’ve had a few pints it’s time to fill the ole tum tum. You need some proteins and starch to keep the mean green machine running well into the evening.
Bangers and Mash
Bangers and Mash are the closest to the perfect food this world will ever know. Sausages, mashed potatoes, brown gravy, fried onions and peas. The bangers can be of any variety of flavored sausages made of pork, lamb, or beef. This meal was designed by the greatest druids and poets in the history of Ireland to keep a body running! (Editors Note: here is no way this is true! Stop making things up! Red Meat Lover) This is my favorite recipe by far!
Late Night Snack
Homemade Chips with Malt Vinegar
Simple and delicious! Just slice up a few potatoes (use a mandolin to keep them equal sized) fry in a cast iron skillet with oil (365°F), season with course salt, and douse with a fine malt vinegar.
Blass
Yes a strange name, but this is what the body craves after a hard day of celebrating all things Irish. A Waterford staple, Blaas are a slightly sweet, malt flavored roll. Crusty or soft, light but firm in texture that just melt in the mouth. Fill with bacon, egg, or lunch meat, check out a great recipe here.
Now you are ready to have an amazing St. Patricks Day… After you remember a few more things. If you are at a bar and they are serving green beer, reach across the the bar grab the bartender by his fat head…(Editors Note: Please stop! Red Meat Lover) If someone pinches you for not wearing green grab a bar stool…(Editors Note: For the love all that is holy are you trying to get us sued! Red Meat Lover) If you see someone dressed like a leprechaun, get a tire iron, a box of uncooked pasta, a rabid raccoon, and a sack…(Editors Note: Just say Happy St. Patricks Day! Red Meat Lover) So have a great & joyful St. Patricks Day! Eat well and stay safe, there are some odd folks out and about… You might want to bring a plastic shillelagh!
About the Author:
Gallagher is a designer, and an avid consumer of meat, sci fi, rugby, sushi, ice tea, and sour patch kids. He lives in a fortified compound on the muddy shores of the Wishkah River with his often exasperated wife, and wildly rabid daughter…maybe.
